The 10 Commandments: “Honor Your Parents”

The commands reflect God’s character. God gave us His commands to show us who He is.

The commands reveal our condition. When we’ve been changed by the love grace and mercy of Christ Jesus we will desire to obey them. If we don’t desire to obey the commands of God, then we have a heart or sin issue that needs to be addressed. In that way the commands show us who we are.

God’s commands are relational as well. They are about our relationship with God and our relationships with others. That’s why loving God and loving others are the two greatest commands. If we love God, we will show it by obeying His commands. If we love others, we will show it by treating them in a way that aligns with the commands of God.

Exodus 20:1–17 (NASB)

1 Then God spoke all these words, saying, 2 “I am the Lord your God, who brought you out of the land of Egypt, out of the house of slavery. 3 “You shall have no other gods before Me. 4 “You shall not make for yourself an idol, or any likeness of what is in heaven above or on the earth beneath or in the water under the earth. 5 “You shall not worship them or serve them; for I, the Lord your God, am a jealous God, visiting the iniquity of the fathers on the children, on the third and the fourth generations of those who hate Me, 6 but showing lovingkindness to thousands, to those who love Me and keep My commandments. 7 “You shall not take the name of the Lord your God in vain, for the Lord will not leave him unpunished who takes His name in vain. 8 “Remember the sabbath day, to keep it holy. 9 “Six days you shall labor and do all your work, 10 but the seventh day is a sabbath of the Lord your God; in it you shall not do any work, you or your son or your daughter, your male or your female servant or your cattle or your sojourner who stays with you. 11 “For in six days the Lord made the heavens and the earth, the sea and all that is in them, and rested on the seventh day; therefore the Lord blessed the sabbath day and made it holy. 12 “Honor your father and your mother, that your days may be prolonged in the land which the Lord your God gives you. 13 “You shall not murder. 14 “You shall not commit adultery. 15 “You shall not steal. 16 “You shall not bear false witness against your neighbor. 17 “You shall not covet your neighbor’s house; you shall not covet your neighbor’s wife or his male servant or his female servant or his ox or his donkey or anything that belongs to your neighbor.”

The first four commandments were primarily all about our relationship with God. Love the Lord your God with all your heart, with all your soul, with all you mind and with all your strength.

The next 6 we will look at are commands the deal with our relationships with others. Love your neighbor as yourself.

The Fifth Commandment: Honor Your Parents

12 “Honor your father and your mother, that your days may be prolonged in the land which the Lord your God gives you.

The Bible Exposition Commentary Chapter Twelve: Living the Lordship of Christ (Ephesians 6:1–9)

To “honor” our parents means much more than simply to obey them. It means to show them respect and love, to care for them as long as they need us, and to seek to bring honor to them by the way we live.

The 5th Commandment Teaches Us:

1. Respect for Authority.

For Authority in Home: Guardians (Parents)

12 “Honor your father and your mother, that your days may be prolonged in the land which the Lord your God gives you.

Leviticus 19:3 (NASB)

3 ‘Every one of you shall reverence his mother and his father, and you shall keep My sabbaths; I am the Lord your God.

Acts 5:29 (NASB)

29 But Peter and the apostles answered, “We must obey God rather than men.

Proverbs 23:22 (NASB)

22 Listen to your father who begot you, And do not despise your mother when she is old.

Luke 2:51–52 (NASB)

51 And He went down with them and came to Nazareth, and He continued in subjection to them; and His mother treasured all these things in her heart. 52 And Jesus kept increasing in wisdom and stature, and in favor with God and men.

For Authority Here on Earth: The Governing Authorities

Romans 13:1a (NASB)

1 Every person is to be in subjection to the governing authorities…

Titus 3:1–2 (NASB)

1 Remind them to be subject to rulers, to authorities, to be obedient, to be ready for every good deed…

1 Peter 2:13–15 (NASB)

13 Submit yourselves for the Lord’s sake to every human institution, whether to a king as the one in authority, 14 or to governors as sent by him for the punishment of evildoers and the praise of those who do right. 15 For such is the will of God that by doing right you may silence the ignorance of foolish men.

This is why honor your father and mother comes first in the commands dealing with our relationships with others. If we do not learn respect in the home, we will not have respect for people outside the home. Consider this principle in 1 John 4.

1 John 4:20 (NASB)

20 If someone says, “I love God,” and hates his brother, he is a liar; for the one who does not love his brother whom he has seen, cannot love God whom he has not seen.

For the Highest Authority: God

Malachi 1:6 (NASB)

6 “ ‘A son honors his father, and a servant his master. Then if I am a father, where is My honor? And if I am a master, where is My respect?’ says the Lord of hosts…

Romans 13:1–2 (NASB)

1 …For there is no authority except from God, and those which exist are established by God. 2 Therefore whoever resists authority has opposed the ordinance of God; and they who have opposed will receive condemnation upon themselves.

Hebrews 12:9 (NASB)

9 …we had earthly fathers to discipline us, and we respected them; shall we not much rather be subject to the Father of spirits, and live?

All the commands depend on respecting God. And the easiest and best way for a child to learn that is in the home. It starts with honoring your father and mother.

2. Responsibility and Accountability.

12 “Honor your father and your mother, that your days may be prolonged in the land which the Lord your God gives you.

The first responsibility falls on the parents:

Deuteronomy 6:7 (NASB)

7 “You shall teach them diligently to your sons and shall talk of them when you sit in your house and when you walk by the way and when you lie down and when you rise up.

The Barna Research Group polled 96,000 Christians and asked them when they put their faith in Christ Jesus for salvation. Over 90% of them gave their lives to Jesus before they were 18 years old. Parents, if you want your children to follow Jesus, you must intentionally and consistently teach them tho follow Jesus. God has given you that responsibility. They need to respect your authority that God has given to you. Because if they don’t there is a 90% chance that won’t even learn to the fear of the Lord. And not only will that be the greatest heartbreak of your life, but God will hold you accountable as well.

Proverbs 19:18 (NASB)

18 Discipline your son while there is hope…

Proverbs 23:13–14 (NASB)

13 Do not hold back discipline from the child, Although you strike him with the rod, he will not die. 14 You shall strike him with the rod And rescue his soul from Sheol.

Ephesians 6:4 (NASB)

4 Fathers, do not provoke your children to anger, but bring them up in the discipline and instruction of the Lord.

Proverbs 29:15 (NASB)

15 The rod and reproof give wisdom, but a child who gets his own way brings shame to his mother.

Proverbs 13:24 (NASB)

24 He who withholds his rod hates his son, but he who loves him disciplines him diligently.

Proverbs 22:6 (NASB)

6 Train up a child in the way he should go, even when he is old he will not depart from it.

The second responsibility is with the children.

Children: (Anyone under 18 or living under their parents roof)

Colossians 3:20 (NASB)

20 Children, be obedient to your parents in all things, for this is well-pleasing to the Lord.

What if they are telling me to do something that’s a sin or something that is illegal?

Acts 5:29 (NASB)

29 But Peter and the apostles answered, “We must obey God rather than men.

God takes this command very serious. Look at the accountability structure He put in place. We already read about the rod of correction. (I got my fair share of spankings. In fact, when I was in public school they would still spank you with a big wooden paddle. In Mississippi they still have corporal punishment.

Fun Fact: one of Pastor Rickey Red’s responsibilities as Vice Principal in a public school in MS was spanking kids that god out of line.

Ok, back to the accountability structure God set forth in the Old Testament. If the rod of correction didn’t work and the child was so rebellious that the parents could not control them, then extreme measure were taken.

Exodus 21:15 (NASB)

15 “He who strikes his father or his mother shall surely be put to death.

Exodus 21:17 (NASB)

17 “He who curses his father or his mother shall surely be put to death.

Deuteronomy 21:18–21 (NASB)

18 “If any man has a stubborn and rebellious son who will not obey his father or his mother, and when they chastise him, he will not even listen to them, 19 then his father and mother shall seize him, and bring him out to the elders of his city at the gateway of his hometown. 20 “They shall say to the elders of his city, ‘This son of ours is stubborn and rebellious, he will not obey us, he is a glutton and a drunkard.’ 21 “Then all the men of his city shall stone him to death; so you shall remove the evil from your midst, and all Israel will hear of it and fear.

Young people…aren’t you glad we don’t live under the penalty of the law today but under grace?

That said, if we don’t learn to respect authority in the home, even though we are under grace, God has set up accountability outside the home as well.

Romans 13:3–4 (NASB)

3 For rulers are not a cause of fear for good behavior, but for evil. Do you want to have no fear of authority? Do what is good and you will have praise from the same; 4 for it is a minister of God to you for good. But if you do what is evil, be afraid; for it does not bear the sword for nothing; for it is a minister of God, an avenger who brings wrath on the one who practices evil.

The responsibility for children changes with age and so does the accountability. So if you are an adult and living under your own roof, the application is going to look different but you are still responsible to honor your father and mother.

Adult children:

Matthew 15:3–6 (NASB)

3 And He answered and said to them, “Why do you yourselves transgress the commandment of God for the sake of your tradition? 4 “For God said, ‘Honor your father and mother,’ and, ‘He who speaks evil of father or mother is to be put to death.’ 5 “But you say, ‘Whoever says to his father or mother, “Whatever I have that would help you has been given to God,” 6 he is not to honor his father or his mother.’ And by this you invalidated the word of God for the sake of your tradition.

1 Timothy 5:3–4, 8 (NASB)

3 Honor widows who are widows indeed; 4 but if any widow has children or grandchildren, they must first learn to practice piety in regard to their own family and to make some return to their parents; for this is acceptable in the sight of God… 8 But if anyone does not provide for his own, and especially for those of his household, he has denied the faith and is worse than an unbeliever.

What is they were terrible parents?

Consider this principle found in 2 Peter 2.

1 Peter 2:17–18 (NASB)

17 Honor all people, love the brotherhood, fear God, honor the king. 18 Servants, be submissive to your masters with all respect, not only to those who are good and gentle, but also to those who are unreasonable.

No matter how bad they were, you wouldn’t be here without them. Literally. And maybe God will reach them and begin to work in their hearts if you would honor them, especially when they don’t deserve it. After all, the root command of all the commands is loving God with all you heart, soul, mind and strength. Honoring your father and mother is about loving your neighbor as yourself, but even before that, it is about loving the God who gave His Son for you so that you could be saved.

3. Rewards are Available

12 “Honor your father and your mother, that your days may be prolonged in the land which the Lord your God gives you.

Ephesians 6:1–3 (NASB)

1 Children, obey your parents in the Lord, for this is right. 2 Honor your father and mother (which is the first commandment with a promise), 3 so that it may be well with you, and that you may live long on the earth.

Deuteronomy 5:16 (NASB)

16 ‘Honor your father and your mother, as the Lord your God has commanded you, that your days may be prolonged and that it may go well with you on the land which the Lord your God gives you.

When children learn to obey their parents they will avoid a great deal of other sin as well. And that keeps them from a lot of danger and from doing sinful or stupid things that could shorten their lives. God has rewards available for obedient children. Disobedience will always rob you of a blessing or a reward. Obedience will always enrich your life.

Psalm 19:7–11 (NASB)

7 The law of the Lord is perfect, restoring the soul; The testimony of the Lord is sure, making wise the simple. 8 The precepts of the Lord are right, rejoicing the heart; The commandment of the Lord is pure, enlightening the eyes. 9 The fear of the Lord is clean, enduring forever; The judgments of the Lord are true; they are righteous altogether. 10 They are more desirable than gold, yes, than much fine gold; Sweeter also than honey and the drippings of the honeycomb. 11 Moreover, by them Your servant is warned; In keeping them there is great reward.

Proverbs 3:1–2, 8 (NASB)

1 My son, do not forget my teaching, but let your heart keep my commandments; 2 For length of days and years of life and peace they will add to you…

8 It will be healing to your body And refreshment to your bones.

Proverbs 1:8–9 (ESV)

8 Hear, my son, your father’s instruction, and forsake not your mother’s teaching, 9 for they are a graceful garland for your head and pendants for your neck.

In Closing:

2 Timothy 3:1–7 (NASB)

1 But realize this, that in the last days difficult times will come. 2 For men will be lovers of self, lovers of money, boastful, arrogant, revilers, disobedient to parents, ungrateful, unholy, 3 unloving, irreconcilable, malicious gossips, without self-control, brutal, haters of good, 4 treacherous, reckless, conceited, lovers of pleasure rather than lovers of God, 5 holding to a form of godliness, although they have denied its power; Avoid such men as these. 6 For among them are those who enter into households and captivate weak women weighed down with sins, led on by various impulses, 7 always learning and never able to come to the knowledge of the truth.

The difficult times began with a lack of honoring fathers and mothers in the home. And when we do not learn to honor our own earthly parents, we will not…we cannot honor our heavenly father.

None of us do this perfectly. We miss the mark. So maybe today God is calling you to repentance in this area. Make it right. Start now. There is mercy, grace and forgiveness available in Christ.

Acknowledge your sin and failure, admit your need, believe in what Jesus did and can do for you, and confess Him are your savior and your strength.

12 “Honor your father and your mother…

Let’s pray.

Memory Verse of the Week:

Exodus 20:12 (NASB)

12 “Honor your father and your mother, that your days may be prolonged in the land which the Lord your God gives you.